Momma Grows Too

Can I let you guys in on an embarrassing/funny joke in our family? When Jarred went to ask my father's blessing to marry me, my Dad responded with the statement, "From us, it's an absolutely." (aww thanks Dad!) But that's not all he said. He also felt compelled to share with my future husband that I am spoiled.  (WHAT!??!? DAD!!! haha I can't believe he told him that!)

Now before you think awful thoughts about me or my dad, let me fill in the gaps of the story. I grew up in what I would call an upper middle class family. We definitely weren't rich or live in any kind of mansion...just a typical 4 bedroom, nice neighborhood kind of place. But we also didn't want for anything really. College was paid for. Homecoming/prom dresses were paid for without a second thought. We always had back to school clothes and new backpacks and money to go to the movies.  There was never a time (that I can remember) when we were told, I'm sorry...there just isn't money for that. Now if we wanted to go buy $500 designer jeans, we would have gotten a no but for the most part, if we needed something, it was provided. It wasn't that we were brats about it and whined and kicked to get our way. It was just that when we needed something, we were able to get it. (again, within reason of course)

 When my Dad told Jarred that I was spoiled, he meant that statement in a humble, I-maybe-did-wrong- kind of attitude. He was trying to share with my husband that the lifestyle I grew up in is pretty different from the lifestyle I was about to enter. My dad recognized that although we weren't going to be living on the streets, newlyweds aren't exactly living high on the hog either...especially farmers and that was going to be a change for me. My dad shared that he wondered if maybe they (my parents) were wrong in just providing for our every want/need rather than teaching us how to work for things and budget and say no to things. Does that make sense? I tend to think they were a little wrong (not on purpose) but that's not the point of this post....

In some ways, our new lifestyle was/is fun and an adventure. I enjoy making a budget and trying to find deals and get excited over great consignment store finds for the kids. I'm proud that we took the Financial Peace University class and are working toward paying off all of our debts and living financially responsible. On the other hand, it has NOT been an easy adjustment for me. There have been times when I have come before the Lord and asked WHY God? It'd be one thing if we had to sacrifice going out to eat and shopping sprees and all those "extras." But it's hard when you panic that you are running low on dish detergent and paper towels and you didn't budget for those things this month. That's not a fun feeling! (and yes, we realize that it was our decision to have me stay home rather than continue working and bringing in another salary....I don't regret that decision, nor would we change it.)

Although I'm still not totally on board with the whole coupon craze, I've been working on couponing for our household needs (toilet paper, toothpaste, that kind of thing) and we try to cut costs by shopping at consignment stores and getting our groceries at Aldi. I've shared before about how awesome Aldi's prices are. What I didn't share was that some weeks I would really struggle with shopping there. I wished I could just go to a normal grocery store and have lots of name brand options for everything and not think twice about it or feel guilty. Sometimes I just missed getting normal goldfish crackers for my girl or real Turkey Hill ice cream for a dessert. I guess I had an ugly root of bitterness in my heart. My dad was right....I had been spoiled and it took marriage and a new lifestyle for me to really see that.

But two days ago, as I loaded the kids and my groceries into our van and drove away from Aldi, I didn't feel bitter or jealous of others or anything. I felt proud of my $42 grocery bill and content with what I had. I've slowly gotten used to my new reality and God has done a work in my heart to chip away those ugly roots of jealousy, entitlement, and bitterness. I'm sure He's far from done working on those things in my heart, but I just wanted to testify to His goodness and what He's doing in me. Just like Colson is growing in weight and developmental skills, this Momma is slowly growing in spiritual maturity and understanding.

I'm so thankful He's patient with this spoiled girl and faithful to pursue a pure and spotless heart in me, aren't you?